Awkward Moments: An Entry Way into Social Peer Conversations

 If you identify as a fellow awkward human being - I am sending you a virtual fist bump here, because samesies.

Middle school has often been referred to as an awkward stage of life. That resonates with me. As a mama of a current middle schooler, I see it.  And yes, we are all coming back to school a little more awkwardly than normal this school year. While last year was like the on-again-off-again relationship that we couldn't quite put our finger on, many of us are starting this school year in person, and it is evident that for some, our social skills may have taken a hit. 

I also want to acknowledge that for some, there was an expectation that we would feel less lonely if we returned to face-to-face instruction. However, as we navigate launching a new school year mid-pandemic, many students (and teachers) are grappling with a new sensation: the disappointing realization that many of us still feel lonely, and worse- others might be able to more easily spot us in our most vulnerable moments. If I sat in my living room alone eating lunch in between online classes, it'll be more obvious that I am disconnected in a face-to-face environment.

Let's start by considering the anxiety of the first few days in the lunchroom: "where will I sit" and "who will I sit with" is a very common source of fear for many students. How can we support them in these moments?

Students in the middle grades (and really, in any grade) must be taught explicitly how to initiate a conversation with a peer. We cannot assume that students in any grade have these skills. For some, it will come more naturally, but for others, this will be more difficult. There is a lot of risk-taking involved in starting a conversation, and students need multiple opportunities to practice these skills. 

Here are some of the ways that I've been talking to middle schoolers about initiating conversations by giving them some conversation-starters. Sometimes, the hardest part is that initial convo. Students want to make an entry point with a peer, but they're not sure how.

Teach students to swap out the phrases based on their interests and their contexts. Remind students that they may wish to over-emphasize certain things right now, like perhaps speaking louder if they're wearing a mask, perhaps using gestures to increase understanding, and making eye contact. What is special to note here: eye contact, voice level, and gestures are all norms of culture- so it is imperative that we express respect for students of all cultures without saying that there is "one way" to have a conversation. We can point this out and share that they may wish to consider these things as they converse with peers. It's a great way for us to remind students that sometimes what we interpret as disrespect or disinterest from a peer may be based on culture, and we don't need to take it personally. 

Please also keep in mind these are just initial brainstorms from one brain. You may wish to co-construct a list along with your students and collect their ideas. For example, the bus-stop conversation starter may need some work - the intention is not for peers to be invasive, but to simply note when we may live nearby a potential friend. This could be a part of the conversation you have with students- they likely have better ideas of how to do this!